the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
We named our party play list daddy issues
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
