Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
