You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
