dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Ladies don't puke and tell
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
