Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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