It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
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