i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
