i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
