i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
