If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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