Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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