Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
