I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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