So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You're like the curious george of whores
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
