I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Randomize
