he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
