It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Randomize
