Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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