the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
