your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
