We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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