i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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