just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
