just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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