You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
