Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
