I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
