im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
