Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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