so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
