I wish I only lived at night.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
it's great music for shaving your balls
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
