So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
