It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
