What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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