Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
