Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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