I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
