And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
