What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
