I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
