While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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