you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
