you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
