I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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