ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
