You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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