first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
