I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
