My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
