it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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