The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
