guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
