im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
