You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
