Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
