I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
