she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
We talked him into tasing himself.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
