Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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